NOSEBLEEDDOTCOM

“Nose bleed!!”

Medically speaking, Epistaxis is defined as bleeding from the nose. Minor injury to the nose is a common cause. This may be an injury to your nose, or may be due to nose picking. People with blocked noses blow them very hard and this may start bleeding. Infections such as the common cold make the vessels more likely to bleed.

(Siyet!!! Ingles yun ha… NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)

However, there is another common cause of a nosebleed (iyung tipong magdurugo talaga ang ilong mo sa hirap!). The following are the “nosebleed” collection that I have gathered around:

Case 1:
I was in the gym one evening when two kabayan ladies came in fully geared up with short-shorts, tank top and rubber shoes and headed to the 2 treadmills beside me. Kabayan 1 set up her ipod and started walking on the treadmill while kabayan 2 was just standing and with arched eyebrows seriously staring on her mobile.

Ten minutes passed by when kabayan 2 noticed her friend and asked:

Kabayan 1: Hoy, ano ba? Bakit seryoso ka jan?
Kabayan 2: Teka lang sandali, nag-iisip pa ako kung paano ko sasabihin…
Kabayan 1: (Sensing that her dear friend is in a dilemma, became eager to help) E, ano ba ang gusto mo kasing sabihin na di mo masabi sabi?
Kabayan 2: Gusto ko sanang sabihin sa kanya na gusto kong ilaglag ang lakad ko para makaatend nang bertdey nya.
Kabayan 1: Eh di sabihin mo, “you want to DROP YOUR WALK to attend the bertday party” (inday, ganito na lang ba, “I want to cancel my previous appointment?” malaglag ka sa kinalalakaran mo, sigue ka!)
Kabayan 2: Ay oo nga, ‘no!! (ay oo nga, eto pa ang isa!)

(NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)

Case 2:
On day three of my Hong Kong vacation with some friends, our next stop is Hong Kong DISNEYLAND RESORT (Yehey!!!). We were the first group that was picked up by the tour guide which was good coz we could get the front seats. However, in our dismay there were personal belongings on the seats indicating that it is already occupied by somebody else. So we just settled on the seats directly behind it.

Second group that was picked up were a group of kabayans (approx. 15 pax in total). They were headed by a middle aged woman whom they refer to as “Ma’am”.

As “Ma’am” got in the bus, she stopped beside the 4 empty front seats, and commented “OH, somebody still sitting there already!” (Ano un ma’am? Maybe it should be, “oh, somebody had taken this seat already?”) then headed at the back of the bus.

(Si Ma’am talaga, NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)

Case 3:
Still on the tour bus heading to Disneyland, the tour guide was doing her usual stuff. Informing us about the location of restaurants, Cinderella castle, schedule of the fireworks and that Disneyland City Hall gives gifts to guests who are celebrating their birthdays that day. Then she asked the group if anyone is celebrating his/her birthday.

A very excited high pitched voice came from a kabayan at the back of the bus saying, “Me! Me! Todey is my bertday!”

The tour guide congratulated her and advised her to go to Disneyland City Hall to be able to claim a free gift by simply presenting her passport.

Then the excited high pitched voice became a disappointed high pitched voice saying “Aaayyy… I donut hab my passport!”

The tour guide also disappointed, asked her why she did not bring her passport with her. And she replied on her high pitched voice, “you did not TELLED us, eh….” (Asus ka! ”you haven’t told us?”)

(Wwwaaahhhhh!!! )
(Si kabayan, NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)

Case 4:
I was enjoying and feasting my eyes on the awesome sceneries outside on our way to China, when suddenly I heard a high pitched shout coming from the back of the bus that ended my tranquility saying,

AAAHHHH!! ITS FALL!!! ITS FALL!!! (oi! baka naman, “aahh!! It fell!!! It fell!!!)

Then came a big bottle of mineral water rolling to the front of the bus.

(Si kabayan na naman, NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)

Case 5:
We were in IKEA one afternoon looking for some stuff for the house when we chanced upon a kabayan sales lady and her European customer.

European Customer: Excuse me miss. Could you please tell me where I can find an ice maker?

Kabayan Sales Lady: “ICE MAKER? Ah you mean the maker of yelo!!!” (Huat? Di ba tagalog ang yelo? Pa-sosyal ka pa inday!)

(NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!!)


Case 6:
This is the best of them all!!!

Quote

Dear All Good morning, I would like to thank all the staff committee members for giving us the help during
Last week (Kailan ba talaga? Noong isang linggo pa o kasalukuyan?) , we pasted in their office (Ano ito? Cut and paste?) in cargo village
Really it was a very good opportunity to meet and to work with another part of XYZ team and i would give a special thanks for the persons i didn’t say good by to them yesterday (Sana lang naintindihan ninyo iyun, o baka naman gusto nyo na ng tissue?)have a good day see you soon Very Best Regards AIDA

Unquote

(Si Aida Ferchichi, NOSE BLEED!!!! TISSUE! TISSUE! TISSUE!! Parang naubos na tissue ko ah!)

So far, exposure to these nose bleeding circumstances can cause mild nasal hemorrhage. If symptoms persists, insult your doctor.